I am still not adjusted. I’ve still not forgiven. I’m moving forward but not happy. I wish I could leave the past in the past…is it wrong to miss the old times? I think the answer is no. I did stupid stuff and hung out with shitty people…and now I’m focused on more important things.
I would smoke weed and I would party and I would make money and blow it, and that would replace the lack of intimacy in my life with a woman I had yet to find in this small ignorant town…and now that I am not practicing this reckless behavior that I had gotten so accustomed too…I’m alone with my thoughts and emotions.
Constantly needing to convey my feelings so I ring up a friend and after talking I’m still empty. I am closed off and exhausted and yet I’m still the crazy and goofy and annoying motherfucker I’ve always been.
I needed to write some of my random feelings down bc I just watched some old videos and began feeling nostalgic and sympathy for myself and my current situation.